I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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