from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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