Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
