3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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