She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
