I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
These tits shall not be calmed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
