My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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