Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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