Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
