so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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