just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
