Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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