All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.