Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
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Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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