Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?

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  (210): Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head? http://tfl.nu/lmud
  Replies (43) Good night (2583) Bad night (1128)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.

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  (303): The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period. http://tfl.nu/nrl7
  Replies (6) Good night (2186) Bad night (742)
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  (510): View more from California

  one might say we're banned from that church

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  (510): one might say we're banned from that church http://tfl.nu/l4dz
  Replies (5) Good night (4066) Bad night (835)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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  (806): apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom http://tfl.nu/lh1h
  Replies (11) Good night (1426) Bad night (3532)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.

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  (905): I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing. http://tfl.nu/u29p
  Replies (16) Good night (1376) Bad night (3646)
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  (845): View more from New York

  don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.

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  (845): don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified. http://tfl.nu/evog
  Replies (15) Good night (1629) Bad night (4559)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.

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  (314): Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late. http://tfl.nu/bosu
  Replies (17) Good night (5059) Bad night (1298)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

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  (832): I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY. http://tfl.nu/qe8v
  Replies (24) Good night (4660) Bad night (2138)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.

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  (618): My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has. http://tfl.nu/36lp
  Replies (11) Good night (6909) Bad night (1781)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'

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  (306): I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes' http://tfl.nu/oxkp
  Replies (9) Good night (7939) Bad night (1193)
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  (661): View more from California

  It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring

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  (661): It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring http://tfl.nu/4h9t
  Replies (8) Good night (1755) Bad night (914)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.

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  (207): Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something. http://tfl.nu/ppvg
  Replies (12) Good night (1162) Bad night (692)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.

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  (850): I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25. http://tfl.nu/pimr
  Replies (4) Good night (1091) Bad night (435)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.

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  (717): For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point. http://tfl.nu/kshm
  Replies (0) Good night (707) Bad night (379)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry

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  (315): Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry http://tfl.nu/oid7
  Replies (5) Good night (678) Bad night (354)

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