Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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