Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(361): View more from Texas

Screwed.edu

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(504): View more from Louisiana

All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.

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(661): View more from California

His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.

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(410): View more from Maryland

We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(347): View more from New York

When are you not under some influence?

(917): View more from New York City

Since last Tuesday...yesterday.

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(559): View more from California

I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.

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