I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.