i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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