did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
