Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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