Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im holly from the hills drunk
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
