It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
