boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
