So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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