Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
