no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
