you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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