So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
