i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
