My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
