My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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