I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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