you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
