some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
