Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
