God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
