I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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