I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
