You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
NoShamevember. You game?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
