they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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