You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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