she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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