i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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