Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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