u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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