Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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