omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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