his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
