a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
