just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
