what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dignity is for republicans.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
