The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
