I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
