I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
