yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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