Non-Jews are for practice
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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