you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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