I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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