Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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