Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Randomize
