Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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