I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
