Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do vagina's smell?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
