I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
