its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
