Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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