despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
