i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
cat food counts as protein by the way
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
