Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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