That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will pee on everything he values.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
