i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
