There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
