How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
