We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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