Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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