There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
