my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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