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Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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