Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize