I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
