Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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