My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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