you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
