Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
