life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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