why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
