she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
