Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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