That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
