a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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