You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
