So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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