if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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