You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
