He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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